I‘ve read the book series Fifty Shades of Grey, which is a book about Sex; sexual tastes and deviance’s and I recently saw the first movie. It got me thinking about how sexual beliefs can effect our sexual health, confidence, body image, emotions and in turn food choices and exercise habits. Problems usually arise for people because their health beliefs are often formed from the hand me down beliefs of their parents and/or caregivers. Think about it, we are all born with a clean slate yet by the time we enter elementary school our beliefs are already forming about what’s right and wrong. If we learn something from our parents does that make it right or just the reality we have been taught?
Much of the guilt we place on ourselves regarding what we do and don’t do for our health is based upon meeting of falling below and deviating from what we have been taught to believe. Does it make sense that our beliefs are based on reasons that may be 100 years older than us? So this brings me back to my blog topic of Sex (but the thought process goes deeper.)
With Spring time around the corner (wishful thinking) new possibilities materialize again. Spring is a time for renewal, cleansing, happiness, outdoors and growth. Growth should be never ending, even for adults. If you don’t grow you stay stagnant while those you love may move on. This spring, make a vow to re-evaluate the beliefs that no longer suit you. For instance, if you think you blew your diet, by eating a bagel for breakfast, then you continue to make poor food choices since you feel like you already blew it with the bagel, you’re self-sabotaging yourself. If you choose to eat a food you think is a “bad choice”, eat it with conviction and consciousness, enjoy it and move on. Body image is the same principle, accept yourself where you are today, love yourself and make a conscious choice to move into a different image tomorrow. Next, translate this idea to Better Sex, choose to accept your current sex “quotient”, understand that there is no “bad thing” based upon old thoughts and beliefs and actively choose to try something new within your comfort level. Sex should not contain guilt, especially in a trusting relationship. You may find that your new choices effect more than your “sex life” but also your confidence, body image, exercise habits, thoughts, energy and food choices.
Sexual health can also evolve in cycles like the seasons. With March upon us and Valentines gone until next year, it’s time to work on our comfort and “exploratory” side of our sexual selves. 50 Shades of Grey has certainly changed the conversation and opened new doors for many people. Sex can create incredible connections and bonds between lovers and spouses. Explore…
The ancient art of Tantra involves thinking of sex as a divine dance that plugs you in to a source of eternal arousal as opposed to mere intercourse and climax. And while tantric sex seems to conjure images of Sting, enlightened Sufis, or classic Kama Sutra texts, it’s not so esoteric that you can’t incorporate some of its core principles into your love life to deepen the connections with and experience soaring pleasure.
Originating in India some 6,000 years ago, tantric rituals provide a means of surpassing the physicality of sex and transcending into spiritual union. Hailing from Sanskrit, the sacred language of Hinduism, the root of the word “tan” means, “To expand, spin out, weave; to put forth or manifest.” Tantra involves a harmonious flow of energy between two people and the universe. Expansive and intimate, here are some tantric techniques to try.
- Create a Sacred Space—To honor your union, select a private area and make it a beautiful sharing space for sex, meditation, and reflection. Make sure it’s clean, comfortable, and relaxing. Adorn the space with candles, incense, flowers, photos or other keepsakes, comfortable pillows and linens in soothing colors—anything that cultivates an aura of warmth and safety. This will become the stage for your tantric encounters.
- Eyes Wide Open— Spend time consciously gazing into the other persons eyes in silence. This goes beyond looking at one another’s eyes and allows you to look deeper into one another’s souls. It helps you and your partner to harmonize your energy and brings about a calming meditative state. Practice this daily, as it’s an essential element for building intimacy.
- Breathe Together—While siting quietly and holding each other’s gaze take soft, but deep breathes in rhythm with your partner. Breathe in through your nose; out through your mouth. Continue breathing in this way for 10 minutes. It may feel strange at first, but over time shallow breaths will give way too much deeper breathing and ignite the energy in your chakras in preparation for a sacred encounter. Did you know this form of breathing spreads oxygen throughout your body and keeps you healthier?
- Slow and Sensual—When you move into the most physically erotic phase together, focus on extending foreplay for 30 minutes without allowing orgasm. Instead, focus on the pleasurable feelings that arise in the moment—travel to the edge and come back again. When you are ready to climax, you may find it easy to achieve multiple orgasms!
- Communicate and Appreciate— Summon the courage to clearly express your needs and desires to each other. The more you get in the habit of openly sharing in this way, the more expansive you’ll feel. You’ll also want to honor each other by freely giving voice to your love, respect, and desire for them.
As you develop your tantric rituals you’ll find yourself expanding your capacity for intimacy in ways you didn’t know were possible. In the process, you’ll both feel cherished in a way that not only satisfies your libido, but also nourishes your soul.
This may seem awkward and strange, but something as ancient as Tantric Sex can carry through to your life and lifestyle choices. This may build your confidence and help you be more accepting with your own body and mind. In order to be comfortable with someone else, you first need to accept yourself, wherever you are today. We are all works in progress that are always evolving, experimenting and learning. This spring is your chance to move forward and try new things. “Clean out” the old damaging beliefs that don’t align with who you are now in 2015 and reshape them to be current and in your comfort zone. Let them be your beliefs and not just passed down thoughts you live around. Occasionally, you should be selfish and make sure you are getting what you need to make you more of a whole person with much love to give. Remember Health is a collective word for mental, emotional, stress, physical, sexual, financial, immunity and overall well-being. Guilt shouldn’t ensue because we ate the wrong food, didn’t go to the gym, had sex a “different way” other than missionary or because we don’t look like the cover girls and cover men of the world.
Life is meant to be lived with many experiences and joy. Be present in every moment; be conscious and aware that we are meant to enjoy our choices. Grow from every experience you choose to have. Learn from the ancient rituals of Tantra to love yourself where you are now. Life is meant to be lived and experience always with exhilaration. Remember, you can’t get moments back but you can reshape and change the future moments to make them memorable.
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